10 days ago, I was babysitting my youngest grandchild, and while she was napping, I was praying. I became aware of a lightening of my spirit. It wasn’t overly dramatic, but it was palpable. My soul finally believed more than disbelieved that God loves me unconditionally.
Doesn’t sound like it should have taken me 50 years to come to that point, does it? But I’ve been wrestling with the after-effects of childhood abuse for many, many years. After my world crashed in the summer of 2012 because of my husband’s arrest, I started a journey of at least once-a-week counseling sessions, a 12-step recovery program, and hours and hours of tearful prayer.
Quite honestly, I had come to believe that insecurity about who I was to God would be my thorn in the flesh that would keep me on my face before Him.
So much has happened in the last 26 months. If I’d had any idea what I was going to go through in that miserable scorching summer of 2012, I would have ended it all before I got to the good stuff—-reckon that’s why God doesn’t tip His hand.
Am I serene, secure and selfless all the time now? No…but I am so much better than I used to be.
You can’t hurry God; He may not come when you want Him, but He’s right on time. (I stole that from a song)
Thank you, God, for the gift of grace through Your son, Jesus Christ. Thank you for the people you have brought into my life in the last 26 months, especially Jon, my counselor, my friends at CR, and my pastor, Shane.
Hang in there, fellow struggles who feel like the pain will never end. It just takes a while to get to the good stuff.