Wow! It’s been almost 5 months since I posted here
I can’t believe it. I left my blog back in January and now it’s June. I didn’t mean to stay away so long…things just got busy.
I wish I could tell you that my life has changed dramatically in the last 150 or so days, but it hasn’t been dramatic. I have found that I am able to share a little more in my women’s 12-step group than in the first three months. I’ve been on my first women’s retreat–16 women in one big house on the lake–and I survived and even really enjoyed myself.
I’ve spent the past 14 Wednesdays babysitting my youngest granddaughter during the day. She is an awesome delight. My marriage is constantly improving. Work is more frustrating; it seems that the owner, my boss, is disinterested in the business. Some of the other staff seem to be lazier about doing their jobs. Maybe it feels worse than it is because I now HAVE to work–I am the breadwinner for us. Yeah, that’s right…my husband still doesn’t have a full-time job. He works at three part-time jobs and doesn’t get paid what he should for the time he spends. He will be taking an exam tomorrow to see if he can be licensed to sell insurance. We’re really hoping that leads us into a new chapter of our lives. God has more than sustained us, but there is still a strain, a tension from never knowing one week to the next what our finances will be.
The second anniversary of my husband’s arrest is a week from today. The last two weeks, I have been unsettled and emotional; I wonder if that will be the case the rest of my life–that the days between May 21 and June 12 will just not be my favorite time of year. So many good things have come out of his arrest, but the memories of the fallout are so painful that it will never be a friend I hold dear.
I have a much bigger friendship circle than I used to, which is also unnerving because I am not in practice as an adult friend. I’ve kept myself to myself, and now, there is a feeling of being stretched to try and touch base with friendships every week and I’m not good at that.
My counselor is still helping me work through my issues; I see improvement in some areas, and he does, too. But, honestly, he’s my closest confidant because I can say anything to him, anything.
God has been very merciful, gracious, loving and kind, extravagantly so.