What in the World is God up to?

Month: June, 2014

Enough already…

Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of my most awful, terrible, really bad day.  In the past two years, I have listened to a lot of Christian speakers, read a lot of Christian authors, spent a lot of time on my knees praying to Christ to remake me.

I have listened to several sermons by Louis Giglio in the last couple of weeks.  He’s a dynamic speaker and very engaging.

I wondered if he had children, so I “Googled” him, and, of course, a number of articles about him popped up, including articles about how dangerous he is.

Now before someone starts spouting “end times” and “tribulation” at me, let me say right off the bat, I’m an amillenialist.    Amillennialism (Greek: a- “no” + millennialism) is the mainstream Christian end-times theology, named for its rejection of the theory that Jesus Christ will have a literal, thousand-year-long, physical reign on the earth.       Which means I don’t subscribe to end times prophecies that enthrall so many Christians today.  I do not believe, that even if there were going to be a millenial reign, I am supposed to obsess over every day of my life.  Jesus said we should be prepared for His return—does that mean only when we think it’s close?  No, we are called to live every day revealing and reflecting the glory of Christ and His love for us and others.  Why the need for any “end times” dogma there?

I have yet to hear Giglio say anything I found dangerous; maybe I will at some point, but it is time for Christians to quit nitpicking other Christians.  If someone’s focus is on sharing the love, grace and mercy of Jesus Christ with others, and that it is through His grace alone that we become whole, healed and redeemed, then DON’T play semantics and get so wrapped up in how someone pronounces “potato.”

We Christians are horrible to each other WAY TOO OFTEN!

Luke 9:50
“Do not stop him,” Jesus said, “for whoever is not against you is for you.”



My last scheduled day of babysitting…

Today is my las scheduled day of babysitting my youngest granddaughter.  Every Wednesday, and a few Fridays, for the past four months, I have driven 30 miles to stay with my youngest grand.  It has been a time of calm for me.  She’s an incredibly happy, contented baby, and a good sleeper, so I have had a quiet place to work on my recovery materials and get a dose of fuzzy head love.

I can’t believe how much she has changed, even in the last 10 days.  Pretty sure the tears will flow at least once today.

I’m glad to be here today; it’s my second day away from work this week, but it’s good I’m away from the office today.  The desire to throttle co-workers was intense yesterday.

And so, as yesterday taught me, there are still anger issues I need to work through.  Frustration about what I am doing in this life.  Impatience about having any idea about how my life may be next month.

I think the real problem is that U.S. Christians are, for a great part, absolutely spoiled babies…myself leading the parade!  We live so well compared to the rest of the world.  We want to know what God has planned for us…now!  Or we are skating along with complacency because life is comfortable and we hear a “good” sermon every Sunday.  I have friends who attend a big church in this area.  They are always talking about the fantastic sermons they hear on Sunday and how it really makes them think.  But their lives haven’t changed much in the 10 years that we’ve known them.  I’m really trying not to judge, but if everyone in my town who went to church and heard “fantastic” sermons enacted a fraction of the messages they hear, this town would be noticably different from other towns.  Noticably….and yet, it’s not.

Believe me, I have skated along with everyone, but two years ago, I got a serious wake-up call.  So now, I think about my life in Christ A LOT!  But I’m still pouting because I really just want to know what’s going to happen in the next ten years.




Wow! It’s been almost 5 months since I posted here

I can’t believe it.  I left my blog back in January and now it’s June.  I didn’t mean to stay away so long…things just got busy.

I wish I could tell you that my life has changed dramatically in the last 150 or so days, but it hasn’t been dramatic.  I have found that I am able to share a little more in my women’s 12-step group than in the first three months.  I’ve  been on my first women’s retreat–16 women in one big house on the lake–and I survived and even really enjoyed myself.

I’ve spent the past 14 Wednesdays babysitting my youngest granddaughter during the day.  She is an awesome delight.  My marriage is constantly improving.  Work is more frustrating; it seems that the owner, my boss, is disinterested in the business.  Some of the other staff seem to be lazier about doing their jobs.  Maybe it feels worse than it is because I now HAVE to work–I am the breadwinner for us.  Yeah, that’s right…my husband still doesn’t have a full-time job.  He works at three part-time jobs and doesn’t get paid what he should for the time he spends.  He will be taking an exam tomorrow to see if he can be licensed to sell insurance.  We’re really hoping that leads us into a new chapter of our lives.  God has more than sustained us, but there is still a strain, a tension from never knowing one week to the next what our finances will be.

The second anniversary of my husband’s arrest is a week from today.  The last two weeks, I have been unsettled and emotional; I wonder if that will be the case the rest of my life–that the days between May 21 and June 12 will just not be my favorite time of year.  So many good things have come out of his arrest, but the memories of the fallout are so painful that it will never be a friend I hold dear.

I have a much bigger friendship circle than I used to, which is also unnerving because I am not in practice as an adult friend.  I’ve kept myself to myself, and now, there is a feeling of being stretched to try and touch base with friendships every week and I’m not good at that.

My counselor is still helping me work through my issues; I see improvement in some areas, and he does, too.  But, honestly, he’s my closest confidant because I can say anything to him, anything.

God has been very merciful, gracious, loving and kind, extravagantly so.