The past 19 months have been a climb of epic proportions. The first 6 months were absolutely hellish; then there were about 2 good months, and then another hellish 5 months. It has been varying ever since. I reach a point where it seems I’ve turned a corner, or my husband and I together have turned a corner–only to run smack into a wall. Strangely, the walls don’t get any softer, even after all this time of prayer, counseling, and 12-step help.
There is one HUGE plus that has been constant for the past 9 months and that is my therapist. So, so glad God got me away from the “narcissist” therapist I saw for a while. Unfortunately, there are quite a few narcissist in the field of counseling and you have to be careful who you spend time with, and that’s not easy when you’re already hurting and dealing with skewed perceptions. Just beware of a therapist who likes to talk about themselves as much as they discuss your issues with you, or one that gets a little too combative if you disagree with some pronouncement they make.
I am in a women’s 12-step program now, too. I am still very cautious about sharing much with the group, in part because I know at least one of the women shot her mouth off after one of our first meetings. It’s been hard not to slap the crap out of her.
I’m hoping to get back to the place where I believe my husband loves me unconditionally (yes, I was actually there for about 2 weeks three months ago). I’m doing better with believing God loves me unconditionally.
I will be 57 in a few weeks. I feel old, but I am feeling better about where I am.