It’s almost inevitable–the blues show up after the Christmas celebration is over. It showed up with a vengeance today.
I hate it, not just because it is ridiculous to be depressed after spending time with family and friends, but because I have tumbled back down the hill a good bit. The heavy feeling of “God really is not very happy with you” is hanging over me.
I am 18 months into therapy, a year into a recovery group, 18 months into tons of prayer, yet have lost ground today.
Work was a b*%^h this past week. Year-end paperwork, discovering that the people I work for have not been doing something that they were supposed to do, and an audit in the works. My brain is old–not sure how much more it can hold and process.
Finances here at home are still dicey and I wonder if God will ever let me feel “settled” about that again, or if I’m simply to easily lulled into complacency when my finances seem secure.
My grandkids are fantastic, though, and they bring me such incredible joy.
It seems like it’s been forever since I talked to my therapist. It’s not been a week yet, but the week has been big highs and big lows. My mind is mentally and emotionally exhausted.
And it’s about to be a new year. 2014. When did I get this old?