Am I Still Hormonal?

by irenedavid

I am 56 years old–should really be past the mega-mood swings of hormones (shouldn’t I ?).  But I find that I can lay aside my resentments and hurts from the past some weeks, and then a day will come along when the anger and the urge to make somebody pay comes roaring back.

Today, it’s my “fiasco” therapist.  The more I read about narcissists, the more I’m convinced that he is too much of one to be working in counseling.  I had that feeling before I quit seeing him; the last four or five times I saw him alone, I prayed that God would keep the guy’s ego in check.

I have the strongest feeling that he’s going to really do some damage to someone who goes to him for therapy.  And that makes me mad; I know the pain he caused me before I left.  So I want to put him in his place.

But that’s not for me to do.  That’s God’s business, and even as I write that, I shudder.  Because I know what can happen when God allows a wake-up call, and it ain’t pretty in so many ways.  I think about the damage a really loud wake-up call could do to his family.  I know what the fallout can be and how long it can last; do I really wish that on his family?

I wish God would just tap me on the  shoulder and say, “I’m going to take all of that past pain away so it will stop ambushing you and stirring up your wish for revenge.”  I don’t think it’s going to be that simple.

Dang, I’m tired of this.

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