What in the World is God up to?

Month: October, 2013

Wowser…life is a wild ride

It’s been nearly two weeks since I last posted anything here…it seems like eons ago.

My youngest daughter (she’s a grown woman, but still my baby) is one day past due with her first baby.  I’m a bit nervous about it.  It’s difficult  when your baby is having a baby.  She’s the kid who said she would never have kids.  Of course, she’s the one who thought she’d never get married, and she’s the one who, when she first met her eventual husband, would have said she’d never marry him.

But still, she’s my baby, so I’m on edge.

I have joined a women’s recovery group, which I said I’d never do.  Three weeks in, one of the women in the group broke the rule of confidentiality and told her husband something that had been said in the group.  He promptly went to the guy that was mentioned and told him what his wife had told him.  Jerks.  Sorry, I know that’s ugly, but dang it, that has created some nasty fallout for several people, and caused me to decide I won’t be sharing anything very personal if this woman is still in the group.  Sharing some of the crap in my life is why I joined the group.

Still seeing my original therapist; he’s very good.  My “fiasco” therapist is a narcissist.  He would tell you he’s a borderline, but I think he uses that line just to rope in borderlines because he feeds off their need for his affirmation.  Be careful when you chose a therapist; unfortunately, many narcissists get into the field because it feeds their ego.

My husband and I are doing pretty well.

I’m still in the middle of figuring out my theology.

I just wish this grandbaby would show.



Am I Still Hormonal?

I am 56 years old–should really be past the mega-mood swings of hormones (shouldn’t I ?).  But I find that I can lay aside my resentments and hurts from the past some weeks, and then a day will come along when the anger and the urge to make somebody pay comes roaring back.

Today, it’s my “fiasco” therapist.  The more I read about narcissists, the more I’m convinced that he is too much of one to be working in counseling.  I had that feeling before I quit seeing him; the last four or five times I saw him alone, I prayed that God would keep the guy’s ego in check.

I have the strongest feeling that he’s going to really do some damage to someone who goes to him for therapy.  And that makes me mad; I know the pain he caused me before I left.  So I want to put him in his place.

But that’s not for me to do.  That’s God’s business, and even as I write that, I shudder.  Because I know what can happen when God allows a wake-up call, and it ain’t pretty in so many ways.  I think about the damage a really loud wake-up call could do to his family.  I know what the fallout can be and how long it can last; do I really wish that on his family?

I wish God would just tap me on the  shoulder and say, “I’m going to take all of that past pain away so it will stop ambushing you and stirring up your wish for revenge.”  I don’t think it’s going to be that simple.

Dang, I’m tired of this.