Am I a Wilderness Israelite?
The following paragraph is from a blog by Justin. The title is Jesus and Grace and the date was July 31, 2013. I am posting it here because I’m afraid I’m a “wilderness Israelite.”
Think about the story of the Israelites. They were freed from slavery. Then they marched out into the desert to go and live in a land that was better than anything they could have imagined. But a whole generation never made it through the desert simply because they did not believe that God was good. They lived in between slavery and goodness, forgiven but never making it to their destiny. They completely fell short of what God had for them. Everyday they saw the goodness of God, literally protecting and feeding them, but they didn’t believe that He was good.
Yikes! This sounds terribly like who I am right now. Because of my past and my immature faith, I am wandering in the desert, not living the life God has offered me. Because I struggle to believe He is good–that’s what it breaks down to if I am not sure of His incredible love for me.
I have millisecond flashes of what my life could be if I could move past my fear. It’s maddening because I can’t hold onto it. I am still grieving and I’m not even sure what it is I’m grieving.
I really want to send out a mass email, asking everyone I know to pray for me at a set time on a certain day that I will lose my fear. I’m so sick of living this way.