I’m angry….

by irenedavid

I don’t know what’s been going on the last few days.  I had a panic attack at work a couple of days ago.  I’ve had a few bouts of tears, the kind that come from feelings that are deep and painful.  It feels like time is moving backwards instead of forwards.

Saw my friend for lunch; she and her husband have been on vacation for the last ten days.  I left work early because I really needed just to talk.  I ended up listening to her for about 90% of our time together.  I know she needs to talk, too, but when it’s one-sided, it’s REALLY one-sided.

Went to see the ‘fiasco’ therapist today, with my husband, for what will be one of the last times.  The last month with him has just felt incredibly sad to me.  My original therapist will be back in town Monday and I’m so thankful for that.  It’s time to get the process started to see if there’s anyway I can get my head together.

I spend my days either feeling like I’m not a Christian or like there is no God.  I’m in a state of limbo that feels like it’s going to last the rest of my life.

But, I just got a call from a dear friend and he, his wife and baby girl are going to visit us tomorrow on their way through town.  I love this family dearly and I’m so glad they are coming.  In the afternoon, I get to babysit for my grands.

So, I’m thankful for the blessings that are coming my way.

Pax

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