Wow…I can’t believe it’s been four days since I’ve written anything

by irenedavid

It’s been a fast weekend.  We went to see my parents Friday afternoon and spent the night.  Came home yesterday afternoon, watched The Avengers (SO glad I didn’t pay to see that in the theater).

Got up and went to church this morning.  Seriously thought about not getting out of bed and going, but not for very long.  I like our church; it is laid-back and very informal, but our pastor has been preaching on Paul’s shipwreck experience and comparing it to the storms in our lives.  He keeps saying God will take us out of our storms.  I don’t think I believe that anymore.

Don’t get me wrong.  God’s been good to us compared to how it could have been.  But I don’t think I will ever go through a day when I don’t think about how my life was shattered, or where I don’t wonder what in the world God is up to.

It’s been over a year now.  I was struck this past Monday about how much work I still have ahead of me.  I’ve been in therapy for over a year, with two different therapists, and I still have a long way to go.  It really pisses me off a bit.

I don’t think I’ll ever have another day where I don’t feel tired at the end of the day–tired of just using the energy to get through a day, tired of wondering how we will buy new tires when we need them, tired of just being who I am now.

Well, I didn’t finish this yesterday (Sunday), so I’ll finish it now.  It’s 8:30 and I’m not at work.  Just needed some time this morning.  It almost feels like I’m back in the dark night of the soul.  My prayer this morning started with “Dear Father, are You real?”  Not a great beginning to a Monday.

Yeah, it’s 8:35 and I’m already tired.