Hurry up…and Wait

by irenedavid

For anyone that read yesterday’s post, I slept really well last night, too.  Two nights in a row is darn near a miracle, and I’m deeply grateful for that.

I’ve told you about the therapy I’m going to be doing in the coming weeks.  Had the first session on Monday and went through the assessment with my therapist.  I’m skittish about it because of the pain it will involve, but yesterday evening, I found myself wanting to schedule another session earlier than planned so I could get through it faster.

I’m fairly certain that it’s not something I’m supposed to get through in a hurry.  I will need time to process and grieve over a lot of it.  But I’m tired of waiting.  It’s been over a year since the arrest and it’s been over 30 years that I have been carrying around this pain and it has been impacting my life on a day-to-day basis.

Scripture is full of verses about waiting on The Lord.  Yeah, well, hope deferred makes the heart sick.  That’s the verse I’ve been quoting to God.  And “Waiting for my Real Life to Begin” is rapidly becoming my new theme song.

Sometimes it crosses my mind that God isn’t going to let me live much longer and that’s why there hasn’t been a major breakthrough.  That thought really bums me out.

I can’t make anything happen faster, no matter how much I wish it.