Don’t Know What I’m Feeling…

by irenedavid

My husband and I went to see our “fiasco” therapist on Thursday.  I was nervous about going back, but it went really well; still don’t think I could feel comfortable seeing him privately.  It makes me sad, but that’s the way it is.

In less than a week, it will have been one year since my husband was arrested.  He still doesn’t have a full-time job and our financial situation is dicey.  Our kids have come to a point where they can be around us like they used to, which I am so grateful for.  Being around my kids and grandkids is better than therapy.

I really wish God would write it on the wall.  I still don’t have any idea what the future holds for us.  I know no one ever really does, but most people have some sort of clue.  Somedays it’s hard to hold onto the belief that God does indeed love me unconditionally.

I will go back to my original therapist Monday.  I’m so conflicted about all of this and I wonder if I should just stop seeing anyone and see how well I do.

That’s probably not a great idea.  When I feel attacked, I still have trouble not going into red alert and defending myself any way I can.