Back Where I Should Be…

by irenedavid

The fiasco of Thursday, May 23, in our therapy session needed to happen.  It was devastating and heartbreaking, but nevertheless, something monumental needed to happen to shake some things loose….It still hurt like hades.

Today, I went back to my original therapist for my session.  I’m so glad I did.  For this next part of my journey, he will be the best therapist to help me.  He’s calm and caring; never sarcastic.  Borderlines really don’t need sarcasm without realizing it’s being used for a reason.

The therapist of the fiasco did help me a lot.  I do believe I have strong borderline tendencies and I needed to hash through the lifeline of that and be taught about ways to handle some of my feelings.  But May 23 really threw me for a loop and the problem is that I can’t really trust that therapist anymore.  I’m willing to take the “blame” for that; I don’t trust people who I feel have betrayed me.  Although, I have forgiven my husband many times, but he’s the only one.  When I think someone has hurt me to feed something in his/her self, trust will flee like a bat outta…well, you know.  I can be cordial and even share a laugh, but trust?  No way.

Next week, it will have been a year since the horror of my husband’s arrest.  In some ways, it’s seemed like an eternity, and in other ways, I’m stunned that it’s gone by so fast.  I really did think I would feel more settled by now.  The closer we get to the date, the more rattled I get.  I’m praying that is just a little PTSD that will dissipate once the date has come and gone.

If you’re reading this, say a prayer for me and my husband.  We still have a ways to go.