Deconstructing my Theology…
I’ve posted before about deconstructing my theology. I am working on that in earnest now. I had an interesting conversation over the phone with my dad earlier this week. I’ve always thought of him as a pillar of faith; actually both him and my mom. They have always seemed so strong, so sure of their belief in God and their lives in Christ.
I know it’s probably typical for a daughter to think that her parents are different in some way, but I’ve never been one to think that my parents were somehow extraordinary just because they were my parents. Even still, I’ve thought they were so well-grounded in their walk with Christ that they honestly didn’t doubt much.
So when my dad told me that he wanted to talk to me sometime about his struggles (yes, plural) with his faith about God’s love and work in his life, it threw me. It took me a little while to decide I could hear that from him. (I do know how unfair it is to expect that he would have never faltered.)
But here’s the real problem: Why didn’t he share this YEARS ago? Part of my screwed-up thinking about how faithless I am is a little bit involved with thinking my parents always had it together, that they had a relationship with God that I just couldn’t find.
I truly believe that one of the worst way Christians serve other Christians and non-Christians is to keep silent about their weaknesses. Maybe it’s just my borderline talking, but I actually receive comfort from knowing that people I look up to have been through low points and dark nights of the soul. Being able to share how God brought you through those times, especially when you couldn’t imagine how he would, is important for others to hear.
I’m pondering “my part” in my spiritual relationship. People say I must have faith–well, scripture says Jesus is the author and perfecter of my faith. I believe, help my unbelief. Quite honestly, I don’t think I can do diddly. I need to be still and listen, pray and wait.
Waiting is so dang hard. I’ve even quoted scripture back at God: Proverbs 13:12–Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
In addition, I must reject the idea that I am too horrible to be loved. God loved me before time began. Christ died for my sins before I ever committed any, so I do not have to beg over and over for forgiveness. Confession is good for me, but not believing Christ has already dealt with all my sins is not good for me. It makes satan’s job that much easier to condemn me.
So, new theology tenets:
1. ‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’ Acts 17:28. I don’t live or move or have being outside of Christ; that includes my Christian life.
2. Christ loved me before time began and he loves me now. ‘Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love. Ephesians 1:3-4.
So far, that’s all I’ve got in my new theology. It will probably take a while for these two things to really sink in.