Disillusioned…I Guess it Was Time
My husband and I went back to therapy on Thursday. Yeah, the therapist that told me everything he’d told me in my private session was bullshit (his word). It was difficult; I had to apologize for my part of the week before and he sort of apologized for hurting me, “If I did,” he said.
Therein lies one of the problems. If he had borderline tendencies like I do, he would have known at the time he was saying hurtful things to me, that he was causing me pain. His claim that he enjoys working with borderlines is a bit disingenuous because he obviously has not suffered from a few of the most overwhelming aspects of being a borderline.
He has also said that his father raised him to believe he was all that and a bag of chips, and he admits to being a bit of a narcissist. (I think it’s more than a bit. He can be snotty and sarcastic in some of his comments.)
I will be seeing my original therapist on Monday. I think the struggle I’m having right now will be better worked through with my original therapist. I don’t think he has as much ego on the line as the other guy. I don’t say that in a hateful way–I honestly think it’s true. He’s kind of a big fish in a relatively small pond and he enjoys that, maybe to the point of his ego getting in the way at times.
I know a week ago Thursday needed to happen. It was painful and confusing, but I learned some important things about myself and God. (Don’t hold my feet to the fire about learning something about God; I’m still asking for forgiveness from Him repeatedly because I don’t believe He can love me after I have screamed at Him.)
Went out to eat with my good friend and her husband last night. I was glad to be with them. She’s a bit of a lifeline for me.
My husband and I are doing okay today. I so desperately want healing, miraculous healing, for me, him and our marriage. Miraculous healing. Please God.