And Then it Hits Me…

by irenedavid

I had a good five days.  New grandbaby, no sad tears.  Therapist said my husband and I were doing well.

But yesterday, I had a meltdown.  Not like the old ones, but a meltdown all the same.  Sobbing until it feels as though my heart might just rip in two.  I have wondered and wondered what is going on with me.  And  then something was said in church this morning that triggered a thought.

I don’t like myself.  Even after  eight months of therapy with two different guys.  I just don’t like myself.  I hate decisions I’ve made that screwed things up royally.  I hate not being able to just believe that God loves me.  I hate the insecurities I still have.

And all I can think is that some of this is never going to change.  I don’t like that.  It leads me to dark places sometimes, and when I say dark, I mean soul-torturing dark.

Guess I know what I will be discussing in therapy on Thursday.