And Then it Hits Me…
I had a good five days. New grandbaby, no sad tears. Therapist said my husband and I were doing well.
But yesterday, I had a meltdown. Not like the old ones, but a meltdown all the same. Sobbing until it feels as though my heart might just rip in two. I have wondered and wondered what is going on with me. And then something was said in church this morning that triggered a thought.
I don’t like myself. Even after eight months of therapy with two different guys. I just don’t like myself. I hate decisions I’ve made that screwed things up royally. I hate not being able to just believe that God loves me. I hate the insecurities I still have.
And all I can think is that some of this is never going to change. I don’t like that. It leads me to dark places sometimes, and when I say dark, I mean soul-torturing dark.
Guess I know what I will be discussing in therapy on Thursday.