Where Are You, God?

by irenedavid

I just want to go somewhere and scream until God shows me something, anything so that I know He loves me.  My husband has always believed that God loves him.  That God is Love.  My husband didn’t have a great childhood.  His parents were incredibly critical and overbearing.  His dad took his anger out on my husband many times. And yet, my husband grew up believing God loved him.  He doesn’t believe God has ever been mad at him, even when my husband “had it out” with God.

I’m happy for my husband.  But I’m incredibly jealous.  I want that peace and security.  I’ve prayed and begged about it for months now.  I’ve discussed it with my therapist repeatedly.  I’ve read “God’s love” scriptures over and over.  But here I am, still fighting to believe.

I can’t manufacture faith on my own.  Scripture says Jesus is the author and perfecter of  our faith.  I believe, help my unbelief.  Where are You, God?  Why can’t I have the same assurance that so many others take for granted?  Do you understand how incredibly painful and gut-wrenching this is for me?

My heart and soul aches.