The Heartache of The Passion
On Thursday, I decided to watch The Passion of The Christ during the next three days. Yesterday, Good Friday, I watched the portion where Jesus was taken and flogged by the Romans. The scene was graphic but, ironically, probably nowhere near as graphic as the actual floggings the Romans used to inflict during that time.
Before I reached the scene of the crucifixion, I was in tears…no, that doesn’t describe what happened. I was sobbing into my husband’s chest, begging God to renew my heart, to change the wickedness in me. I have been a believer for over 40 years and, to my mind, I’ve never done a thing for God. I’ve ignored Him a good part of the time, praying token words of thanks for safe travel, grandbabies and a great vacation, etc. But I mostly kept my belief hidden from the world, only sharing it with other believers, and even then in a superficial way.
I think those years of lukewarm Christianity are the biggest clue to my struggle now to believe in God’s absolute Grace. How am I to make up for 40 years of complacency and taking my salvation for granted? How can I prove to God that I love Him, and prove to Jesus that I don’t take his life, his suffering and his death in a cavalier manner?
Jesus said we are to forgive seventy times seven. He’s way past that in forgiveness of me, and my mind and heart just ache to believe He has remembered my sins no more.
I’ve said it before–I want to be completely undone by God’s love and grace.
Praying for all those who have been so encouraging with your comments for my blog, and the prayers you have offered up for me.
May this Easter be a time of knowing that God’s love and mercy and Grace is falling on us in a deluge.