My Journal Entry to God Today…Revisited

by irenedavid

Yes, I know this is another entry with the same title as one I wrote less than a week ago.  I am back to wearing my cross and I have abandoned atheism (it didn’t last long).

I guess you should know that this is not unusual for the borderline in me.  In the past, when I would get really frustrated and “crazy,”  I would do spur-of-the-moment stuff that was like the release valve on a pressure cooker.  I would throw something or break something, which, as it turns out, was a good thing because my therapist says that probably kept me from doing something worse.

I don’t throw or break things anymore, but I do still get frustrated, so I do things like tear some of my writings that I’ve posted on my mirror off and throw them in the trash.   Thankfully, I have not deleted the two books I have written.  There have been a number of times when I have had to fight the strong urge to destroy the work it took me 25 years to believe I could write.

So I was in a really bad place last week and made some rash decisions that I am now taking back.  Thank God my rash decisions are ones I can take back.  Many borderlines are not so fortunate.  I grieve for the many that struggle to hold a job, make it through the day without having a major meltdown and who are so misunderstood.