Today Has Been so Nearly “Normal” That it Feels Weird

by irenedavid

Today has been a bit strange.  It’s felt nearly “normal” (whatever the heck that is).  Oh, of course, I had a bit of a cry this morning listening to a song on the way to the church that really spoke to the ache that is still present in my heart, but I haven’t shed any tears since and that’s kinda unusual.

I printed yesterday’s post and stuck it on the bathroom mirror so I can read the verses every morning and remind myself that my theology is starting from scratch.  I’ve been listening to a playlist of Christian songs that really mean a lot to me over and over.

We came home from church and ate lunch, then watched some television.  I walked on the treadmill.  My husband read to me from Stop Walking on Eggshells.  He does that at my request because when I read it by myself, I got very depressed early on.  It helps for him to read it to me because I don’t feel alone, although there is still plenty in there that grieves me because I can see myself so clearly now.  I wish I’d known about borderline personality disorder years ago.

I’ve asked God why a lot in the last eight months.  I really don’t understand His timing in what’s been happening AT ALL!

Anyway, we just got finished eating supper, which was grilled steak and baked potatoes.  I burned my fingers on the grill and said a semi-bad word and I think it’s going to blister.  You can’t tell, but I have to stop typing every few minutes to put my fingers back on the frozen bag of peas because the burn starts hurting again.

So, the day has been unusually undramatic…which seems a little strange.

But I have therapy tomorrow, so the waters of my mind and heart will probably get muddied again and I’ll have more work to do on my jacked-up disorder.