Moving Into What We’d Like to Shrink Away From…
A good friend of ours was the first person we called after my husband was arrested. He came over the two nights after the arrest to be with us while we cowered in our house with sheets put up over windows so no one could see in. My husband and I were in hunker-down mode, convinced we would never be able to step outside our door again, much less go to the grocery store or be anywhere in public for any length of time.
One of the things our friend talked about was that we would have a life after the disaster that had befallen us; that time would pass and we would look around us at some point and think “I can’t believe it’s been six months.” That has happened and he was right. Something else he said to us was that there would be the temptation to hide ourselves, but we really needed to move into what we wanted to shrink away from. (yeah, I know that’s not proper grammar, but I’m sure you understand what I mean anyway. )
Today, my husband will move into something we have been carefully praying about. He will give his testimony at a food bank where he volunteers. They have a worship service before they serve a meal; he will lead them in some songs and then crack the facade of being something other than just a nice guy who works there on Mondays. He’s nervous, but he is moving into.
One thing we have prayed repeatedly through this eight months of heartache, growth and grace is that God would use us in some way for His glory. I must admit that part of that desire is sheer selfishness on my part. I want people to know that Jesus rescued us and we are different people now. We haven’t encountered a great deal of belief in redemption and I want people to know that my husband was redeemed and that I was right all along to stick with him because I loved him and knew there was so much more to him than his mistake. I would like to tell you all the things that have run through my mind regarding how God feels about the selfish part of my request that He use us in some way, but, if you’ve read any of the previous post, you will know that I’m starting my theology from scratch and all I know about God right now is that He loves me more than I love my children and grandchildren.
If you’re reading this before 11:00 am Central time, please pray for my husband. Moving into is tough and scary.