God, I Simply Don’t Understand…

by irenedavid

I had been having a fairly good week, in spite of a few glitches. We had made it to Friday morning, and I was looking forward to the first mostly unstressful weekend in a long time.

My husband is doing some writing on contract for a friend. It’s not a lot of money, but it’s better than nothing. He was set to work with a Good Christian guy on a project. This Good Christian guy had been told about my husband’s mistake because our mutual friend really thought the GC guy would be forgiving and glad to help out. Uhhh…slow down there, pilgrim. The GC guy sent our mutual friend an email saying he wouldn’t work with my husband.
Now, this wasn’t going to be “public” work. It was simply a couple of meetings to gather info that could have been done privately.

So, once again, I have bumped into the brick wall of Christian who do not believe in grace. This is becoming a difficulty for me, especially after my husband’s 30 days in jail, two 12-step recovery groups simultaneously, and seven months of weekly therapy. Christians don’t care about any of that (maybe they shouldn’t since those are “worldly” deal), but you would think God’s grace and reconciliation would be something they did care about. Unless they’ve never needed it. And if there’s a Christian on this planet who thinks they’ve never needed it, then there is a big ol’ problem in their life that dwarfs anything else.

Of course, my sinfulness has reared its ugly head in all of this. I am attacked by doubt, feelings of unworthiness, and the voice that whispers, “You both had this coming and this is what you will face the rest of your lives.” My sinfulness is at its worst when I look at God and wonder–CAN you really love this wretched soul unconditionally?

We’re in pain again. Some might say we had it coming–sometimes we feel that way, too.
If you’re reading this, I ask that you pray for us…and for Christians who don’t believe in grace.