Letter to my Daughters

by irenedavid

The fallout from my husband’s porn addiction had many ripples. For those closest to him, it was a tidal wave. Our two daughters were both married, thankfully, and have wonderful husbands who held onto them when the horror of all this hit. This is the letter I wrote to each of them a few days ago:

Hey Baby,

I wanted to write you and let you know about how your Dad and I are doing. Dad is doing really well and has stayed “sober.” He is still in counseling and a new 12-step recovery program that meets at xxxxxx Church here in xxxxxxxx. He has two great sponsors that he talks to, one on a daily basis and one a few times a week. I’m really amazed at him.
We are completely committed to our new spiritual lives. We’re never going back to Egypt. Our marriage is stronger than it has been in a long time. God’s work there has been incredible.
I am going to counseling for me twice a week now. I know you’re aware of some of the hurts from my childhood, but there were others and it is taking me a while to work through them. Your Dad and our therapist say I am making good progress, but it feels incredibly slow to me.
I know you suffered from having me as your mother while you were growing up. I’m so sorry for that. I was so steeped in pain that I thought about myself way too much. I hope you can forgive me. There was no excuse for my extreme behavior. Anytime you would like to go to a counseling session with me, I’d be glad for you to do that.
God is still working in me. I don’t know why your Dad has never had any problem believing God loves him unconditionally and that is a struggle for me. I don’t struggle like I used to, but I have to spend a lot of time in prayer about it.
I love you so very much and hope you always know that. You are so precious ; I know God has used you to bless so many people. I’m grateful to God for your faith and maturity in Him.
Praying that God blesses each of us and our family as we all seek His will for our lives.