The Hurt That Keeps on Giving part 2

by irenedavid

My husband and I have been in counseling both together and separately for over six months.  I thought we were getting back on an even keel, but the past week has made it clear that we are nearly as far apart as we ever were.

I don’t understand what’s going on.  We were closer when he was having to go to jail twice a week to serve his sentence.  Now that his time has been served and the court has released him, he’s aloof and distant.  I’m sure part of that is because he doesn’t have a job.  But I think it goes deeper than that.

I have been clawing my way up from the pit of feeling worthless, and making myself repeat numerous times a day that God truly does love me and rejoices over me.  It is a struggle because I’ve spent a lot of years believing that wasn’t possible (more lies from my childhood.)  I am just beginning to grasp His hand and hold on, but it’s tenuous at best.

I hate satan.  Every Christian should be fully aware of how much he will steal and destroy of your life.  If you feel inadequate, it’s him.  If you hear the voice of “you’re a failure,” that’s him.  If you feel condemnation for past mistakes, that’s him.  If you feel like you’ve sinned so much that there is no way God can forgive you, that’s satan.  He wants your abject misery.  You can learn to reject his words, but it is hard work and there are times when you will think you are never going to get there.  It is a slow process, but don’t give up.

Go to BibleGateway and look up all the references for “but God.”  There are some wonderful verses about the sinfulness of mankind and God’s reaction.  “But God” is a phrase to grab hold of.

I’m still a mess and often failing in my faith journey.  But I have nothing else but God.  I don’t know if my husband will stay with me.  But God was with me before I met him and I will cave into God if my husband leaves.  He will only be the one who can sustain me.

I hope if you are the wife of a sexually addicted man, you will leave a comment.  If you are struggling to believe God loves you unconditionally, I would love to hear from you as well. We need to support each other with words and prayer.